I write not for people, and for its childish eyes.
I write not for people, and for its childish eyes.
By century of Vladimir Lugovsky.
At first sight, drawing of destiny Lugovsky was traditional
For the poet of those years. He created the romantic biography.
Served in Red Army, chased for basmachami, travelled on
Central Asia, has spent much time in mountains on Pamir. It and outwardly
Resembled for a heroic literary image: possessed the mighty
Growth, voice, appearance. It was popular and safe.
The authorities have released it abroad: in second half thirtieth
Years it has gone round all Europe.
But happens so, that after walking marches of 40th years on
To the western Ukraine and Latvia with the Soviet armies Lugovsky
It is literally in the first days of war goes on Northwest
Front. The train in which it went, has been destroyed by bombing around Pskov.
It made the way through perekorezhennoe iron, through broken off
Bodies killed and wounded men, has seen personally б destruction of set of people, in that
Time when in Moscow still anybody at all did not understand true scale
Tragedies. Leaving an environment, Lugovsky a week later has come back
To Moscow. It is possible to tell, that the poet has returned not from a front line, it
Has returned from a hell. It has changed it, he was ill, has broken, from it
Verses the former aggressive spirit, which has left some more
Months sounded in newspaper publications back. And when all
Have noticed, that the poet has changed, began to search for the reason, explaining
All is banal enough for those years, - began to accuse him in
Cowardice. It and itself showed all the confusion, itself accused
Itself in loss of reference points. It was really sick, hardly dragged
Foot also could not excuse itself a life in back, in Tashkent.
The Tashkent evacuation - a unique case of existence in
One place of set of various writers, poets, artists. In
The house along the street Zhukovsky, 54, two poets, very unlike the friend on
The friend, poetic cloths almost simultaneously created,
Comprehending tragedy of time, and through it - and
Own destiny. In August, 1943 in a room on balahane (in
Attic) A.A.Ahmatova continued job over "the Poem without the hero",
And below, on the ground floor, V.Lugovskoj wrote the book "the Middle
Centuries ". Probably, it is not casual at such different poets has appeared
Requirement to sum up, line and with limiting sincerity
To tell about own destiny, about the twentieth century and the place in
Him.
Together with V.Lugovskim and it seoj Tatyana in Tashkent
Above in balahane there lived Elena Sergeevna Bulgakov. Some
Time to V.Lugovskogo and E.Bulgakov was connected by close relations,
They even tried to live one family. Both in it, and in his life it
There were years of heavy crisis, sensation of despair and loneliness. It
Has lost hotly liked husband, during that moment absolutely
Deleted from the literature. Helping V.Lugovskomu in those heavy
Minutes, listening and reprinting its poems, nursing it, it
It was restored to life.
About the relations with Elena Bulgakovoj, with which it
"srodnila war and death", Lugovsky wrote: "Not to me to judge you,
And you have not the right / to Judge me for this ashnyj a cold, / Which
Burnt you and it is eternal / Lays between us, as if stylyj a knife. / but you
More wisely and best on light, / With pustjashnoj cunning and
Trouble, / Feebleness, pride, flight... ".
We offer the reader fragments from the "Tashkent" diaries of Century
Lugovsky and a part of letters of E.S.Bulgakovoj to Lugovsky from archive
Daughters of poet M.V.Sedovoj-Lugovskoj. It - not a diary in
Traditional sense of a word. A "grey" notebook Lugovsky conducted
In job over a poem "Middle of the century". In it as though the draught
Sketches, or that "rubbish", about which well-known from words
Ahmatovoj. The first are published.
From "the Grey writing-book".
Tashkent, 1943.
Right now I wait for huge blossoming of arts, for all
Relations have changed, new extent of the world has opened,
Old locks have broken from loops, ashnee became. Bears... All
It was mixed. To the beginning of 20 centuries all so was defined, that have begun
Already to be designated mute rules of the world. Obviously, it was very much
Harmfully and incorrectly. Have not come to light still all ashnye properties
The person. The cosiness of the world of 19 centuries anaesthetised them. All were engaged
Lateral problems.
All measure, inexhaustibility of human meanness and
Selflessness nobody knew. Christmas boys. Fur-trees.
Vzyskujushchie intellectuals. New century has brought power of the worst
Centuries of history and, hence, most plodonosnyh centuries.
The bosh of human existence was designated. Were designated
New, absolutely new requirements of a cosiness. The person has got to the power
New elements of the car and its derivatives, but these elements more pobedna
- It is called by it, instead of forces of the nature. Recourse was so
It is majestic, that its tragedy became ordinary... Thought on a life
In other measurement, about katarsise. Accident became the law, and
The law accident. The death became trivial and in art
Has lost the oie. The life became magnificent and monotonous, how are you doing
Plants. Fortunately, there was a basic property, the basic interest
The person - who has passed through a court yard who with whom lives who the rascal.
This saving property for people, this beneficial,
Touching and majestic force should serve as the maintenance
The separate chapter. The menu of the pity dinner, the new pencil, new
The soles, the new distributor at the neighbour rescue people, and
Save people, and save potential forces of mankind. All
Comes back, but in other curl. That is happy, blest, in
Clod the tradition was saved. Those who is entrusted are unfortunate
Selflessly elements of it ashnogo centuries, its displays. Than
The law is is easier formulated, that it is more difficult. "..." but I hope,
The mankind will exist all the same, though it... Crowd on
Large number of the human population of globe has more to
To that.
Subject: Kind night.
Glory in Vyshnih to the God and on the earth in chelovetsah goodwill.
Perfect flash of humanity after 1918. "Farewell,
The weapon ". Courageous, tired, is cynical-touching minds. Much they
Have opened. For the first time after many years stormed simple things, and
In them all essence.
Subject - a court yard, yellow windows, balahana, rains. What
Surprising sensation - laws stand near to you, and you still
You hesitate, you run in stolovku, you talk to fools. But
The most surprising in that I write not for people, and for it, for
Its childish eyes. When you write for one - important and it is necessary for
All. "...".
Subject: Surprising Tashkent.
Red bush. Surprise. Yellow sheet. Red and yellow colour.
Other kingdom. A poplar. Romance windows. Pjanki..., easy
Breeze of an ugly course of destiny. Pepper drunk pleasures.
Absence of statehood... Unknown street of Radio on square.
The city which has dropped out of laws. Pleasure by lawlessness. Booths with
Port. Sine-yellow parks. A dust. Arrival of military academies.
The Moscow exhibition the young lady. The moon as a melon over streets, where
Trade in pepper brandy. annye shops and annye manicurists and
Sacramental stop of all thoughts. "..." camp of refugees.
Hoarse voices of militiamen. Small Tanechka R.Pyl not
Falls... Unsteady... A life. The first rains. Surprising
Square. To India! Feeling of the south, instead of the north. A junket at G.Dervish.
Nikita Bogoslovsky. Besides... From me you do not reduce. Dexterity...
My madness... Souls. Aryki. Slippery lanes. Wine. 3rd blow at
Mums. A long way to Tashkent. Sensation sey Tani, related and
The corporal. Mighty Officials, speculators, the swine, crude fish and
Shivering hands... Impressions cold... And debuts.
Cп п п я п п п?п?... Lena SHishmareva. Farewell. Beer. Night. Clever
Egoistichesko-fair Gusev. I sob in the Union. Svetlana. Lanes.
Gardens. Sandwiches. Telegrammes and letters from L.A. A terrible course of winter.
October. Passes the daughter (?) to happiness familiar intonations and "..."
Silly speeches Virty. Grisha Shirokov. Returning... Joyful,
samozabvennost decomposition... Aryki as channels. Dead declines.
Life of small houses with yellow windows. Mine proshchanja with N.
Mountains / Odetsky?/. Things in the house the same, as before war... Another's windows.
Another's cases. Another's dogs. Evakuatsionnye parties. Tiny
Cosiness. Rascals with vodka. Their personal cosiness, a residence permit. Podhalimsky
Pleasure. A shameless celebration enough the nice official.
Again feasts, beer, a life as a surf. A firm fortress...
Office of the editor. "..." solemn autumn.
Powerful noise of its branches and leaves. Dark blue and red flowers...
Gifts. Utkin "..." Lotteries. Beer on corners. JA. Drunk,
Hungry to the madness, given to drink Wasps. I shake, as bylinka.
Ladies-patronessy. Booths. Shame for all it. Shame and hatred and
The rage is easy, as the dancer. Sensation of tragedy of all world, all
Globe, then lost. Japan. World war. Moscow
Mysterious and ice... Fishing in CHirchihe (?). A market. Pies
With pepper. Lilac declines. Slow and rough changes of light.
Young ladies in hotels. Poles in new п п?я п я п я п я я cп п?п to the form. The general in
Beret. The marvellous entrepreneurs taking both giving, and same
Girls. Ability to live among a hell. K.Marx's street, ancient...
UZGIZ. Playing of songs. Unusual restaurant in D.P.beer,
Spirit. My clumsy body stumbling in aryki... Evening from all
Souls. Wires on Pushkin and all in snow. Mistrust, nasty thing.
Biblioteka I.I. as small true. Horror to catalepsy. Anniversary
Vs. Ivanov. My toasts. Elephant / Imsky/, A.T. (Alexey Tolstoy?)
Falling and understanding only... Performance. Steps of roofs, Prague.
All world. Ice hatred and feebleness... Shouts of mother for
Back. Dark blue nights and meanness without borders. Time you has gone on it
To God way - should sustain all... Inability to live and,
Possibly, to die. Silent creeks of kindness. A shining, mean life
On small cubic metre. The first signs on spring and again the mortal
Cold and gloom of nights. Green clouds on Charles Marx and two glasses
Port and the girl under idle talk. Syro, cools... Tcherkasov. Desire
To burn Berlin. The first violets. Will give nothing, it will turn out nothing.
It did not suffice me. Therefore so it is easy in... The Name-day
Rascals. Belief in a human order. "..." my shy, each time
Incorrect movements. Helpless eyes E.S. And its pride
The child... The Internal city of soul.
The internal city of Tashkent - an invisible kingdom. The Central Committee house. A cosiness
Every instant. A cosiness of a bulb and a chair, edition and a tree,
Parties and aryka. The person is created all the same for happiness (?).
Elena Sergeevny's letters after departure from Tashkent.
Moscow on June, 20th 43.
My dear, at first something like the report: a trip, arrival,
Speeches, affairs, Pushkin, Moscow, people, conclusions.
The road has passed even somehow surprisingly easily, I after all am bad
I transfer it in general. Companions pleasant was not, only the neigbour,
Seemed in Tashkent the stinker (young, in tjubetejke), it has appeared
The nice. But another, the old woman, has turned around the made
The swine. The neighbour, the free young man, have removed through two
Day about a train (have swept up), as he zealously was engaged in that
Sold for money tea in a considerable quantity. All car has approved
This action of militia. Well, and behind all it, at first - deserted
Kazakhstan, rich stations on which the population takes out eggs,
Butter, milk, curdled milk in a considerable quantity and it is very cheap
(The first rbl. till 8-10. The second - from 350 to 400 and the third - as well as
Eggs, in the same price) is specially for Weed the inquiry. Then, with
Unusual excitement and pleasure, you start to see, how
The earth as becomes covered by bushes, bushes, trees turns green,
Groves, woods. Recollected, of course, thus: "And in dark windows
Flew, flied, tended, bowed and rose again
Forgetful hordes of trees... ".
The riches of earth crust are connected with rise in price of products: than
More close to Moscow, the more expensively the price, approximately, they become, as in
Tashkent, and mainly, all wish to change for salt.
Very much you worry at last minutes or hours, more likely.
When the train starts to run without stops on the small country
Stations, and names all of them flash before eyes, reminding
Any cheerful minutes of a life, - when crawl twilight and in a window
Appear absolutely improbable on colouring smoky,
The silvery pictures, any unexpected Paris, which I,
The truth, I know only on impressionists, - then only becomes
Clear, what is it such - returning to Moscow, home, on
The native land, to Itaka...
The train was late, vetili me only Kaluga, on road
Home the car was detained some times by patrol (after 12 nights
It is impossible to go without the permission), I explained, what's the matter, and very much
Correctly, having seen documents, otkozyrjav, us passed.
Sergey and the driver carried things upward, I sat in the car,
Reflecting on how it is melancholy in the absence of light, that
It will be necessary to sell more likely all conditions and to leave somewhere, where
There is no blackout, - has risen upward, has entered into the apartment and
Has understood, that never I will leave from here, what is it my house.
I all am shipped in the past, I look through archives, letters, books,
Albums, simply I sit and I look around. Olga has offered me an exchange
Apartments, I have refused. I will not leave this, it mine. "...".
People in most cases have very much grown thin, have grown old,
Have become serious. One Sasha Fadeev all the same, outwardly at all
Has changed, as it is vigorous, oars and it is fun-loving. Olja it is resolute
Has changed. Well, of course, Nemirovich's death affects strongly.
But, besides, at them with Kaluga absolutely another's relations, and it
Difficultly., For example, it is very heavy to me to happen at them in the house, and together
With that Olja very much wishes me to see more often, I am a unique person,
With which to it it is easier, and will laugh sometimes when I to it will begin
To tell any nonsense or to show any pieces. It
And Eugene Kal/uzhskij//Uzhsky / outwardly - have grown thin, and it is sincere - have grown old,
Is not present former Wife's jokes, penja - in pomine. Among themselves they
Do not talk almost. In the house silently, only game with insects
Occasionally will bring artificial revival in day. "...".
Was on Pushkin... (A unique show - in general
I refuse everyones others). Performance Mhatovsky, and if
To give the present Natalia, say, Tarasovu, at least, that was
It is beautiful and charming/and she has very much grown thin - to the person, has looked younger and
Besides it is enamoured in one general/, and the present Dantes, since
Massalsky began to play any cute, sentimental
ofitserika provincial, instead of the murderer - Dantes - that it has turned out
Simply wonderful performance. "...".
2 times a month are authorised to put performance, to actors it is difficult so
Seldom to play new performance. "...".
Took for reading one Mishinu a thing (Madman Zhurden), but
The big hopes at me are not present, though say...
Marshak is gentle with me, is careful. Will act tomorrow on
Session where the attention to the question on acceptance me in members will be brought
Litfonda. It has offered Sasha. Has given from its part the letter, since
It does not consist in this commission. Spoke, except Marshak, with
Konst. Fedin who thus did not know how me to look in
Eyes. By the way, from it there was only a shade.
Yokes. Vl. Helps uoit business with phone that is very difficult.
In Litfonde get a limit on an electricity, etc., etc.
The residence permit, uojstvo all affairs with cards - all occupies it
Lot of time though at me also goes not how at all, as
Very much people help. Leonidovy, is more correct esja, itself leave on
Parts of hospitality, food, laying me to have a rest at them,
The soul, baths, etc. Gentle too very much tries. Well, about Ole and
I do not speak. Sasha F too at height as it is expressed washing Weeding. At once
Has raised the question - than I eat, that it is necessary to make, and all in the such
Sort. "...".
S.F. Has told: first, it will receive all that receive
Writers with his name and position, i.e. a working card
(Approximately, it is 2 kg of meat, 800 gr. Fats and as much sweet,
2 kg of groats, salt, matches, cigarettes, vegetables etc., except bread 600
gr.) I can be mistaken, but I am a little in sense of quantities,
After all did not see such card but only asked about it. Except
It, you can receive a warranty dinner or a dry ration: 6 kg
Breads, 5 kg of meat, 2 - groats, 500 gr. To sugar, 10 eggs, and more
Any trifle - in a month. Besides - writers receive or
Supper or one more card, force as the worker. Well, and then it is necessary
To work, as work all in Moscow and then there will be also money, and
Sincere satisfaction. On izhdevencheskim to cards give a little,
Almost anything. About job, I repeat, S.F. Has told, that it how much
It is necessary. In GABTe I was not, saw nobody. "...".
The anthology leaves, will be called only as the Collection, and there
You will be placed much, Dimochka, verses so has told too S.F.
With the great pleasure. I have asked to recollect it, what exactly,
He could recollect only "Hungarian", "the Song a wind", - and it is more
Could not - has told, that "I know only, that Volodja it is very full
It is presented ".
Simonov I did not see, but I know according to Fad., that it very much
Well (as well as Pavlik) said about you, that has become serious,
Has grown wiser (not so roughly he spoke, as I write), that it is much better
Became, it is simply good, very good. "...".
That from all this confusion it is possible to take out: to go to Moscow
Costs. Not the century to sit in Tashkent, or to dare then
Really, that in Moscow it is more difficult to work as a hobby, and it is necessary
To go to any small town and there uaivat a life,
blizkujuk to the nature and giving the chance to collect the thoughts. To have
Small circle of friends etc.
In Moscow it is, of course, noisy, restlessly, always there is a weight
Any affairs, vech, uojstv etc. I am personally very happy
Here, and that is why: here I know, that I of Bulgakov (I write it,
Knowing negative relation Volodi to this aphorism), here
I have many friends, here my house, mine - expensive to me -
Memorable books, archive, manuscripts, the things, all atmosphere of a life, without
Which to me it was very heavy in Tashkent and which me
Supports in Moscow. Now I have plunged entirely into the past, I
I sit hours over reading of writing-books, letters, examining
Albums. I - houses. I am not afraid of anything.
While I yet do not work, but I carry on negotiations for service and I think,
That I will soon go to work. But I would like to receive such,
To have time for a putting in order of my writing-books, Mishinogo
Archive and in general all in apartment. That is it in the ideal
Order so it was not beautiful never so it it is pure so
It is brilliant, inside - in a desk, in a bureau, in cases all is necessary
To reconsider and put in order. A poem read while only
Vilenkinu to which it really was pleasant, especially
Odysseus. Another - was not approaching naoenija. And me
It seems, that if you soon will arrive, will be more advantageous, if
You will read her, much vanishes in my reading.
Here I also have got tired, though have written, likely, not everything, that thought.
Head I have pains in more often, and the main thing, a dream it is bad - for excitements.
All time for a shower is restless, all seems, that something has forgotten
The important. Now I will go to There. On apartment also I will persuade her to go on
The Lavrushinsky.
I kiss you. Write. Whole Tusju, to the Field. To Jacob - greetings. Tjupa. Nina
Has grown thin, but looks very youngly.
26.VI. 43.
My darling! Has now thought, that you m. It is not happy, that I
I write on the machine. It after all only we with Olej prefer this
Manner, and I at all do not like to receive from it pocherkovye letters, and you
- Who knows? Write. But I do so because yet have not bought
(And m. Also is not present) ink, the feathers, all it is not adjusted yet. Yesterday
Spoke with Speshnevym, a cat. Has informed, that has lowered your letter in
Box. I will wait, when will come by mail. Early morning, all sleep. I
Yesterday has laid down in 10 ch., therefore also has woken up. In total Moscow is more beautiful
At night - wide extraordinary, for some reason something it became similar on
Leningrad. Illumination new any. Now do not light in the summer, and
So it is light. And like as the white nights, very short. Today I go
Again on Pushkin. Yesterday Petja Twisted. Showed the jobs, then
Had breakfast at them (coffee, granular caviar, a white loaf, butter), then
Theatre - affairs, a house dinner - disgusting (casually), houses not
Prepared, took from a dining room, early to sleep. Your big letter still
Has not come. At Oli marvellous kitten Kuzka, shkazhite JAshushe. Be
It is healthy, oars, road. Whole it is gentle. Kiss Tusju what does not write?
The whole I Weed and JAshku.
Tamara did not come, because of it and the question on apartment costs.
Tjupa.
27.VI.43.
The lovely friend, the letter sent through Speshneva, it has turned out
It has lowered in a mail box. Yesterday I again went in Tusinu
Apartment to ask to go Tamara with me on your apartment,
But there nobody has responded, I long knocked on a door actually
Tamarinu. Now again I will go, though today Sunday, and can
To be, it somewhere has left on the target. Here now all go
In the days off on the kitchen gardens, all vechaesh with shovels.
Surprisingly cold summer - for all time of any hot day,
Any cold wind. Naoenie the excited. And if not
uojus it is fast on job, I will be unscrewed absolutely. At my full
Absorption in the past, at immense melancholy which I test,
The only thing that can help, is very strong employment.
In the beginning I was afraid of very big responsibility, and now even
I want... Be healthy, the darling. I kiss you, Tusju, to the Field, Tjupa.
On September, 12th 43.
Dear Dima, all - or is more correct almost all your letters has received.
Not everything since, for example, the third day in MHATe it is casual
vetivshijsja Raskin has informed, that it has a letter for me from
Lugovsky, that, of course, is very a shame to it, but that at it is
Wife Fried and the small child, that here and last them
Photos. In a word, as always - ukoritelnym tone, as if
You and I are guilty in all it. Promised to bring the letter in Litfond.
Yesterday in Litfonde this letter was not.
Angry and tender your telegrammes too I receive. I do not write,
Because it was not written. Could tell much, and write
All is difficult - somehow could not. Knowing your ability
To swear and assume any pieces, at once I make a reservation - anything
Especial, new I also have not written anything to you. All is simple mine
Thoughts, sensations, conclusions have got more finished character.
Like that your feeling to me - not the love, or can be,
From your point of view - love, and for me it is not convincing.
In general, of course, it turns out silly - I reproach you that
You not such as I would like. You, likely, have received mine
The telegramme about service - the mistress in the creativity house. Two weeks
Fairly went to Peredelkino, something did - and suddenly has clearly understood,
What to serve me there in no event it is impossible. Also has refused. And
It became easy on a shower. I will serve Perhaps, in MHATe, though
It is not enough hope of it. More correctly, I will work in-home (job
From artel). People I see much - have appeared any new,
The unexpected. A little interesting, however.
Almost I do not happen anywhere - from shows, I do not want. Boringly and at theatre,
And everywhere. But people interest. People and man's eyes. Very often
The double.
The letter all time I interrupt, I run that to open a door, to
To phone. I one, Weed is not present, Grisha Shirokov now will run for
The letter, will carry on station. What is it he has told, that admissions too
Is not present at you? When assume to leave? Whether you see ZHenechku? It
To me does not write. Why? I do not understand.
Grisha has come, we with it had a little a snack. And now it should
To run. I will not have time to write to Tatyana today. I it am strong, strong
The whole. Pass it, that for your apartment uplocheno - management. I
Saw zhirovki.
Be healthy, the darling.
I kiss you. Elena.
NATALIA GROMOVA.
//* an information Source: the General newspaper, 5.07.01
//* Reg. Nom. - 1110700047.50-------------------------------------------
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